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IT'S BEEN A WHILE...

9.22.2017

To start:

 

I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING GONE FOR SO LONG!!! Also, I apologize for the long post to come...

 

After graduation, I moved back to California (as many of you know). I was SO HAPPY to be able to go home back to the golden state and be with family! Kurtis and I road-tripped back to my place in California and he stayed for about a week before returning back to Idaho. We had completely expected to be doing long distance again like we did last Fall. This time around, it really hit us hard and was more difficult than we had anticipated. Kurtis had managed to get a job and was (and still is) doing SUPER WELL with it! I, on the other hand, had sent out several applications and didn't have much luck (the struggle to find ANY job--especially for a college graduate--is REAL). I also experienced a lot of other stresses and dealt with a lot of things that really brought my mood and mindset down. 

 

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my family and would literally take a bullet for each of them, but I am an independent-minded individual and just want to be living my life on my own trying to do my own thing. Being away from Kurtis--as I already said--also didn't help because he's literally my confidant and knows everything about my life and is always there to hug me and talk to me and you can only get so far with FaceTime. Anyone who knows me knows that I pretty much NEVER share any parts of my life (ESPECIALLY my private and inner thoughts) with ANYONE--even family and friends. Truly, the only two people who know the most about me are Kurtis and Heavenly Father. 

 

I had made plans to move back to Idaho the first week of September and start working since being away from Kurtis sucked so much and since it'd be easier to find a up there for me. HOWEVER!!!! (and this is where I get really personal here). I went to the doctor because I seriously was so down and sad. The doctor's visit proved to be helpful, because I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH DEPRESSION. I don't want to go into too much detail, but aside from feeling unaccomplished after graduating and having the health issues that I have that hold me back, I've had other experiences in my life that I wouldn't wish upon ANYONE that have just built up inside me and brought me to such a lonely and sad point in my life. 

 

There are different levels of depression that I feel people can experience, and the doctor told me that mine seemed pretty serious and severe to him. To explain how I felt: it was as if I was all alone in a completely black abyss with no one, no sound, NOTHING, around. Just me. I didn't even tell Kurtis for a while just how depressed I was. At this time, I would rather not go into detail about everything that I talked to my doctor about and the experiences and whatnot that built up one after the other to cause my depression, but I will share that I'm doing better. Depression doesn't just disappear, but honestly my faith and praying have helped me so much. I've never felt closer to my Heavenly Father. 

 

Now, I mentioned my diagnosis of depression to explain that it was once I was officially diagnosed that I called Kurtis right away and we made the decision to move me sooner. He literally took off work later that week, bought a 1999 Kia Sephia for 250 BUCKS, and drove that little car down to California all by himself to come get me. (Talk about my knight on a white "horse," right?!) He stayed for a couple days so I could do some things I still had to at home, but then we drove all the way back. 

 

LET ME TELL YOU. That little Kia has NO POWER TO IT! Going uphill (which basically the whole drive is uphill), at one point we were going 15mph. I don't even know how many people flipped us off--cause it was too many. It literally took us 25 hours for what should've been a 13 hour drive. We drove during the day, too, and IT WAS HOT. When we got to Death Valley, it was the hottest point of the day and we couldn't have on our A/C because we didn't want our car to overheat (the A/C sucks anyway), so we were SWEATY MESSES. Kurtis kept looking over at me and apologizing because I was probably more miserable than him. I honestly didn't care that much, I just was constantly praying and crossing my fingers that we would make it. 

 

AND WE DID!!!

25 hours later...

 

I wish I had thought to take more pictures of the trip. For someone who works through posting on her blog and Instagram, I really suck at remembering to take pictures. I took a couple at Seven Magic Mountains in Nevada, though! I've attached those at the end of this super long (again, SUPER SORRY), post. 

 

Anyway, it's been about 3 weeks since I moved back to Idaho. Kurtis is still killin' it with his job and I'm beginning working, too. I just wanted to explain my super long break from my blog and Instagram to you all. I am back and am working really hard on some cool things with awesome people and brands! I'm so excited to get back at blogging and sharing with you on Instagram. It's so much fun for me and something that brings me SO MUCH JOY! I'm so thankful for all of you that read, follow, and interact with me, my Instagram, and my blog! 

 

I'll be talking to you soon!

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading!

 

<3 Always,

Lo

 

 

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